Life is a Monster
This is the story of a twenty-five year old boy who became a man and didn’t know it. His story is individual to him, as all stories are. However, he is not so different from the myriad of American adolescents who will one day wake up to the frightful reality of being grown up. He spent most of his adolescent existence running from a monster he called life. This monster threatened him with the responsibilities of being a man, a pressure he was utterly afraid to handle. So he drifted. He drifted into an alternate reality called post adolescence. This post adolescent adolescence, was simply a young twenty something’s apathetic attempt at escaping the monster. It was his attempt at escaping life. Yet, no matter how hard he ran, no matter how far, the monster was there. Life was there. It haunted him, daring the boy to stop existing and live.
Somewhere between puberty and a full beard a transition happened. A wrinkle in time occurred and he could no longer escape the hot breath of life breathing down his neck. He could not make sense of his surroundings. He thought to himself, “How could this be? When did life get so . . . real? When did I grow up?” These questions manifested the unspoken confusion of his heart. Deep inside his spirit the boy had a longing that every boy has. He wanted to be a man. He wanted to work hard, support a family, live a life of romance and adventure, but one thing hindered him from his desire. He was afraid. He felt trapped by his own weakness, his own consistent failure. His complete inability to live the life that he longed to live was more real to him now than ever before. The time of his awakening was upon him. He knew that if he didn’t take action, if he didn’t fight, he may remain petrified forever. He knew that if he wanted to truly live, he would have to face the monster.
Facing the Monster
Life had him cornered. The monster had been the only thing bold enough to chase him down, shake him out of his lethargy. The boy’s first reaction to the hot pursuit of life was to fight against it. He would rebel. In doing so he dug himself into a trench of irresponsibility and waste. He wasted time, friends, and love. He wasted resources, and worst of all he wasted his youth. Yet, life pursued him all the more. The fiery eyes of life peered deep into the boy’s soul. It was as if life’s monstrous gaze could shatter the wall placed between the boy and his heart. The boy had spent many years walling off his heart, attempting to protect it from the vicious nature of life. He had been hurt many times by life and wanted desperately to shield himself from the pain. Nevertheless, the monster persisted. The roar of life penetrated the boy, and the violent nature of the monster caused the boy to resist life less, and less. The boy was defenseless as life began to tear away at his chest. He wanted to resist the monster, but found the monster to be altogether different than he had first expected. He originally perceived the monster to be daunting, black and scary. But now as the monster was breathing its heat down his neck he noticed that it was curiously happy, smiling. This surprised the boy. What he had originally perceived to be a monster was turning out to be his source of deliverance. Life wasn’t scary at all, it only wanted to help!
Befriending the Monster
The boy nearly lost his breath as the monster began to speak to him, “I am Life. Why have you run so hard? My only desire is for you to live, and to live like you always imagined, happy.” The boy could not muster the strength to speak. No one had ever told him life was alive. No one ever told him it had a voice! The monster’s hot breath was blasting in the face of the boy as he began to speak again, “You see me as a monster because of your fear. All who resist true life see the future as a horror. They see life as a monster. They see me as you have seen me. But, I assure you I am altogether different. I am.” The boy buckled at his knees, and could no longer hold the gaze of Life. His chest having been ripped open, his heart was exposed; the boy held his face in his hands and began to sob. He could not explain what he was feeling. He was losing his grip on the fear to which he was so familiar, even comfortable with having. As the monster spoke with the boy the blast of its nostrils penetrated him, shattering the glass shell of fear he had lived with his whole life. The boy was vulnerable, and for the first time, because of the words of Life, that didn’t scare him. The deep penetrating breath of Life so enveloped the boy’s senses that all the pain, grief, and agony he had buried in his heart all rushed to the surface in an odd mixture of weeping, and laughter. To the surprise of the boy the monster seemed to be swallowing his pain. Every tear, groan, whimper of hurt, the monster seemed to be taking onto himself. The monster was devouring the boy’s agony, all together minding his broken heart.
From Monster to Man
As breath finally reentered the boy’s lungs after what seemed like an epoch, a man spoke, “I am Life, and I love you furiously!” The voice of this man came from the most unlikely of places. It came from deep inside the heart of the boy. Again He spoke, “I am Life! I am not a monster! I have loved you, and will always love you!” The boy still sobbing with his face in his hands, turned back into the direction of the monster. But instead of a monster he saw a man. The man’s face beamed with a joy that broke the remaining remnant of the boy’s defenses. Again the voice spoke deep within him, “I am Life. I have known you before you were formed in your mother’s womb, and I know you still. Do not be afraid.” The man’s mouth never moved and the only visible gesture on his face was joy. Hardly could the boy believe that this man who seemed so wonderful, who claimed to be Life Himself, was just moments before the hideous monster he tried so desperately to avoid.
“Who. . . Who are you?” the boy said finally finding the potency to speak.
“I am Life. I am what you originally perceived as horrifying. I Am.”
“How have you known me . . . ?”
“I am from the beginning. In the beginning I was, and from the beginning mankind has run from me. But from the beginning I have chased after man with burning conflagration. My only desire is for man to live as he is destined to live, free. Since the beginning there has been war for the hearts of men, and I am here to help you win that war! I am here to win your heart back.”
The boy recognizing the essence of the words of this man said, “I know what you are saying is true. I have felt the war for my heart since childhood. I haven’t always been afraid of life. I haven’t always been afraid of love. I didn’t always see you as a monster. I know who you are! I know that you are him, you are the Christ! I saw you take my pain. I saw you as a monster, but you were swallowing my pain! Why did you do that? Why have I seen life as terrifying? I saw you swallow my pain! You took it onto yourself. Why?”
Life replied to the boy, “I took your pain so that you could have your heart back. So that you could have my heart like you have never known. My gift to you today is my heart, and it is your own. My heart is stronger than the pain, disappointment, and rejection you have experienced in the past. My heart will forever be the anchor of your life. My heart is your compass, and it is your sword. When you are lost my heart will guide you. When you are terrified my heart will defend you. You have seen life as terrifying because you have resisted my heart. You believed more in the ability of pain to petrify you than my hearts ability you lead you triumphantly in all things. Fear distorts vision therefore distorting your vision of me. You saw my zeal for your heart as a monster, and yet I do have a monstrous love you. So I ran for you, tearing away at the gate of your heart, tearing away at your chest. Why you ask? Because I love you, and my Father in heaven loves you. Your Father loves you!” Having said these things Life bent down on one knee placing his hands on the shoulders of the young man.
Jesus laid his head on the crown of the boy’s head and the boy began to speak, “God, I’ve been so afraid of living. I’ve been so petrified that I tried to pretend you weren’t real. I tried to pretend that life wasn’t real. I fought you with apathy. Yet, you chased me all the more! I am overwhelmed with the heat of your passion and love for me. I can feel your breath filing my lungs again. I was so alone, so scared, so. . . broken. I became a man and I hoped it wasn’t true. I wanted my maturity to be a delusion. Somewhere deep in me I wanted to face the responsibility of growing up but I didn’t know how. I didn’t recognize your heart and few pointed me into the true direction of your life. Now you have shown me your heart, and I ask you to make me into the man I have always longed to be! Make me into a monster hungry for the hearts and souls of my generation. Make me like you Jesus, all I want is to be like you. All I want is to live!”
Hearing this Life kissed the boy on his forehead. At this the boy knew that he had become a man. He knew that being a man had little to do with age or puberty, but that manhood had to do with honor. In this life soaked kiss from God a revelation of true manhood saturated his spirit. True manhood is the recognition of the Spirit of Life, facing the Spirit head-on, honoring Life and taking up His sword on the earth. He knew that he was created for a fight. He was called to war with the Monster!
The Boy and the Heart of a Monster
This is the story of a boy who became a man and didn’t know it. This is the story of a man who had to become like a child so that God could win his heart back. His story is not so different from countless others, yet it is unique to him. He grew up in a society where fast food and video games are king, and all night binges and the hunt for sex reign. However, in the midst of this he grew up with a true knowledge of Life, yet the pull of the spirit of the age drew him away from his true calling. Fear had distorted the purest image he had ever known. It had taken his dreams and turned them into a petrifying nightmare. Yet, because of the truth piercing him as a child and chasing him down his entire existence, Life found him. Life came to him in the midst of his darkness, in the midst of his deepest sin and said, “I love you. Do not be afraid!” Having heard this unconditional acceptance from the Spirit of Life the boy found his true Father in heaven. He found his identity in the man of all men, and the King of all Kings. He found his heart in Jesus. He had finally faced the Monster.
